I felt it when I went to the supermarket yesterday evening! The first time I had stepped out alone in five weeks! I dismissed it as something else. Then it happened again today! As i walked across the Independenza square I could feel it all again, this time only stronger, making me want to just sit there in the middle of it all and cry!
Yesterday evening I was chatting with a few different people and yet all I wanted to do was to stop all that and cry. I had to force myself to keep walking and not look at the park bench to sit down. And I let my mind wander away, think about a hundred different things, think about what I wanted to buy, what I would cook the next day, what I should do for the next week and so on. Of course my silly mind, once it starts wandering will never stop!
But I realise the loneliness is there, sitting in the corner, laughing at me thinking “how long are you going to be in denial? You can do all you want to fight me, but I am here, right here waiting for you”
No… I don’t want to feel lonely… that is the worst feeling ever…. I can handle any kind of pain as long as I am not lonely, as long as I have someone with me…. Go away you loneliness………