Let us not be judgmental!



I went to a restaurant for a quite lunch last week and wanted to share an incident with this group that I witnessed there.After a few minutes of us settling down, 2 young mothers walked in with their respective kids and sat in the table next to ours. Since I had a toddler myself I was happy that there was company for my daughter since the kids were almost the same age. Within minutes of them coming, some high drama started to unfold. Both the mothers started to pull out things from each of the kids bags in the pretext of entertaining the kids. Unmindful of others sitting next to them, they were so loud when they discussed what their kids did and what they did not. Worst came when one of the kids threw a tantrum and started to cry. The mother started to pacify the child by showing her some recorded video on her tablet that was loud and coarse and to top it up she started to sing the same as well quite not bothered about the people around her. It was nothing but a bad decision for us to have been caught next to them as we could not miss anything from their table.

After 15 some minutes the child calmed down…and the drama only continued when the food was placed. The child knew what she needed to get her mom’s attention and was exactly doing that. More than that it did look like the mom was using all the possibilities to show off to her friend across the table that she was the typical “hep mom”. All through the mother was dramatically talking to the child in nothing but English and there was no use of local language or mother tongue. What was really upsetting is how parenting has changed. How moms today are overdoing the western way of parenting or rather how they have even forgotten to speak to their children in their respective mother tongues. It’s very absurd to hear people say “Iam going to give you a time out” or “What you are doing is uncool”….at inappropriate situations.

Moms today are throwing western baby showers showing off their baby bumps in dresses. They don’t mind starving themselves to get back to shape before their babies 1st birthday unwilling to even feed their babies for a certain timeframe. Why do Indian mom’s forget their roots and try to ape something that is not true to our customs and culture? Is it a shame if your child speaks in hindi or tamil or any other Indian language? It’s appalling to see the change and Iam truly worried that in another few decades we will lose our individuality as a country starting from smallest of things. What a mom teaches her children is what forms the culture of the country and I think that is where we are losing out today. Iam very sure each one of you would either have a friend or a family member who falls in this category… Is this a wake up call to us?”

The above is a post in a closed group. When I saw it I just had to respond. Are we getting too judgmental? We see people for half an hour and we think we know all about them to pass any kind of comment!

I don’t know which city this was in. The situation could have been anything. Could be that the mothers came from different regions and spoke two different languages and the common language is English! What is wrong in talking in English?

Is there anything wrong in a child having a meltdown (meal time + food is delayed + low sugar levels = recipe for a meltdown) ? Many times people do now know the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. Yes, the child was looking for the parent’s attention but expecting a two-year-old to have absolute control over their emotions and feelings is too much! Today I was on the bus and I saw a woman crying. I held her hand for a minute, rubbed her back as I got off the bus. When a grown up person cannot control her feelings how can you expect a child to control his or her feelings?

All I can see are two mothers that wanted to meet up, catch up and have a break. They have made their efforts to keep their child entertained and not disturb others.

I don’t understand what is being “hep” here! What is the western way of parenting? What is wrong with baby showers and showing off the bump in dresses? Sigh! Women are the first enemies of other women, we don’t need men to bring us down!

I wanted to give my own example…

My son has serious allergies and is a very sensitive child. Not an easy combination to handle.

I remember a few incidents…

There was this time, I was at a housewarming function. It was my husband’s friend’s house. We were living out of the country and we were in India on holidays. My son was one and a half years old and I was a few months pregnant. My husband’s friend decided he would give us a lift. We all went there and had a great time. Then my husband decided to leave me alone and go and find his other friends. I did not stop him because he rarely got to spend time with them. I was standing alone and someone came and offered me some food. I could see my hungry child wanting to snatch it from my hands. I asked the woman clearly if the food had milk and she said no. I even told her that my son had allergies and I could not give it to him if it had milk, she kept repeating that it was ok to give him as it did not have milk. I took the food that was offered as the pregnant me was also starving! I gave one spoonful to  my son and the next instant he threw up and started coughing. Minutes later, in spite of me giving him his allergy medication, he had a full blown anaphylaxis reaction.

I had a screaming child in my hand. I was starving myself and I knew my little man was starving too.

People can say different things, my husband leaving me in a place where I the language spoken was not my mother tongue was wrong or me giving outside food for my son was wrong or even me going out when I had a child with allergies was wrong! But imagine this, I am a normal human being and I would like to get out for a break too. I did all that I could have possibly done to check if everything was ok. Accidents happen.

But what hurt me most was a comment that was made that day “Do not do any of your experiments when you come out, do it when you are at home!”

It was so easy for someone to say that. But what do they know about me or my child or what I go through on a day to day basis?

I can mention so many more incidents where I know it would have been easy to judge me and make a comment but I know for sure that they would be wrong because the know nothing about me or none of my struggles. Let us stop being judgmental about others. We have our own life to live and they theirs!

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1 Response to Let us not be judgmental!

  1. Pingback: My life – 1 | Shyami's little world

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