Please bear with me. I am going through a tough phase in my life and I might post a lot of crap, anything that gets into my mind might get posted here.
We are between projects, which means between countries. I am a triangle and a nomad so moving really doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is living in somebody else’s space.
I think it is a part of being an expat and part ASD. I can’t decide which part is more. Even though it is all nice, people are nice to you, it feels like a holiday, etc., it is nice for a day or two or even a week. When it is more than that I feel I am stepping on other’s shoes. I constantly am worried that I am troubling others. Maybe I am over thinking all the time, but I feel people do things without their knowledge to show that they are tired of us.
I want to get out and get into my own space. I just don’t belong here. I don’t want people misunderstanding me or be troubled by me.
I’ve gotten out of depression long back or so I thought but sometimes too many things happen and I feel overwhelmed and all I want to do is sit in a corner and cry as my heart feels heavy.
Unfortunately, I do not have one single person who I can talk about all this with. Either everyone thinks I am brave and strong and I can handle it all or people think I am the moany – whiny kind of person and ask me to get my grip on things and move on.
So for now, all I can do is to wish the universe helps me get out of here and listen to the same songs which calm me down on repeat!