Yesterday I had a happy day, but it ended in a heartbreaking moment. I cried myself to sleep way past midnight.
What was interesting was that I could share my happy moment with just two people, hoping they would understand and share my happiness. Even there one of them didn’t even bother replying.
When you don’t have people to share your happy moments, how many do you think you will have to share a heartbreak?
Sometimes I feel it is my fault that I am worried about how others will feel about my happiness or sadness and do not share. But the wall has gone up much much higher now. Probably as we grow older that is what happens to everyone or maybe it is just me. I’ve always thought others were the same as me. It took ages to realise that I am a unique nut case. I know that sounds funny, it is actually funny when I think of it now.
Anyway, wanted to share here, this is a space where people don’t know me and where hardly read any of this, so I can at least say I cried and not worry about if these friends of mine will come back and talk to me tomorrow. Who likes cry babies? Who likes to make friends who have problems? Who has time to listen to other’s sad stories or help sort other people’s baggage?
Do I need friends? Do I have friends? I don’t know any answers. But I am happy in my new found space. This is me, leave it or take it. I cry when I am upset and I do get upset. I laugh when I am happy and yes I feel happy quite a lot too. Take me as I am or leave me. I am not bothered about your judgements. Even if you are in my first circle, I will kindly request you to leave if you can’t take me as I am. Good bye and good luck!