Different perspectives

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Saw this quote today and thought to myself one could feel desperate about the situation with increasing consciousness or one could move aside that despair and do something about it and someone immediately mentioned, that their despair is not about mundane trivial things their despair is about mankind and the universe.

Well, who decides whose thought or problem is trivial anyway? So I had to write this, I wanted to write much more but I am going to stick to just a couple of examples here.

What I say might sound silly to you, but think about it… nothing about whole life and universe comes without its small bits which are mundane, right? I’ll gve you a few examples. It is nearly summer here (will be only nearly summer, really don’t see summer arriving full-fledged). Last week at the community garden I was out in the sun. It was about 17-19 deg C and I got a sunburn. A very simple mundane problem, right. When I talk about this to my close friends they laugh at me going you come from a country where the sun burns you alive. 40 deg C is quite common and you complain about 17 deg C? This brings me to something that I think a lot about, not so mundane. I always think about climate change. Even when people tell me that individuals cannot make any change. What has me getting sunburnt in 19 deg C got to do with climate change? Well, the reason that I get sunburnt here in spite of it being a lot cooler is that there is no pollution here, so the sun is a lot harsher on the skin here compared to India where the temperature is a lot higher. Again I tell people how 21 years ago when I first left India it was cooler by at least 5 degrees and that 5 degrees make a lot of difference. People have now started using A/C everywhere which contributes more to climate change. Fewer trees, more cars on the road, more pollution and what not. Brings me back to planting more trees where I can and when I can and volunteering at the community garden to have plants, trees, and get my own fruits and veg (the more fruit and veg that I use comes from outside the country, my carbon footprint increases). I try and use public transport as much as I can, I reduce the heating and wear extra warm clothes when possible, for three years in Italy I had no car because I wanted to use the public transport system. What looked like a simple sunburn issue of one individual is actually a global problem if you look at it. What are we leaving for our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren? What should we do to make their life better? It is not mundane anymore. I try in spite of being told time and again that my thoughts and what I do don’t matter. I took the kids to a climate change protest and came back disillusioned because of all the noise pollution they were creating. Now we are trying to bring in people to talk to our homeschooling kids. Not to disillusion them but to help them think of various alternatives and make a positive change rather than feel desperate and not know what to do.

And then comes the simple issue of breastfeeding. How can something as mundane as a baby’s food solve a problem about the universe, right? Think about it. A breastfeeding mother is taking care of both her and her child’s health. Not just short term but she is setting the foundation for a healthy life for her baby for a life time. She is saving financially by not giving in to the formula trap, not bringing in more waste (breastfeeding is zero waste) by buying formula tins, bottles, sterilisers, etc. If she is a working mom, she is saving on the number of days of leave she will take because of her baby’s illness. The child and mother are less of a burden in the country’s health system in the long run too. Children who are breastfed longer feel more secure and grow up as secure individuals. Their IQ is also higher. Something as simple as food for the baby can reflect in so many things. I am not even going to explain further on this. But think about it. By using big words and saying big things are we trying to prove ourselves better than the others? Are we trying to alienate others from us?

I don’t know. Just different perspectives I suppose.

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Lonely world

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Yesterday I had a happy day, but it ended in a heartbreaking moment. I cried myself to sleep way past midnight.

What was interesting was that I could share my happy moment with just two people, hoping they would understand and share my happiness. Even there one of them didn’t even bother replying.

When you don’t have people to share your happy moments, how many do you think you will have to share a heartbreak?

Sometimes I feel it is my fault that I am worried about how others will feel about my happiness or sadness and do not share. But the wall has gone up much much higher now. Probably as we grow older that is what happens to everyone or maybe it is just me. I’ve always thought others were the same as me. It took ages to realise that I am a unique nut case. I know that sounds funny, it is actually funny when I think of it now.

Anyway, wanted to share here, this is a space where people don’t know me and where hardly read any of this, so I can at least say I cried and not worry about if these friends of mine will come back and talk to me tomorrow.  Who likes cry babies? Who likes to make friends who have problems? Who has time to listen to other’s sad stories or help sort other people’s baggage?

Do I need friends? Do I have friends? I don’t know any answers. But I am happy in my new found space. This is me, leave it or take it. I cry when I am upset and I do get upset. I laugh when I am happy and yes I feel happy quite a lot too. Take me as I am or leave me. I am not bothered about your judgements. Even if you are in my first circle, I will kindly request you to leave if you can’t take me as I am. Good bye and good luck!

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Chale Aana….



5:30 pm, I am driving back from the library, smiling to myself, humming along with the radio completely off note and dancing in my seat at traffic signals. I must look crazy to random people on the street, I dare not look at the car in the next lane. My kids reassure me as usual that i am right in guessing what others are thinking about me. I laugh with them as usual

i reach home and skim through the million messages on my phone. Most of them are boring work. Then I see M’s message. A link he has sent. https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=mNxd1GEDYiQ  I like his sense of music, he always sends me beautiful music. i click on the link and drop the phone on the dining table and proceed to find something for the kids to eat. And then the music starts. I turn around automatically. There is something about this music that makes me feel that I have heard it before. Something that I can relate to the very first time I hear it. Itis melodious, beautiful just mesmerizing. I kind of hum along as I work away for the next two and a half minutes. When it finishes I feel elated. I want the song to go on and on forever. I play it again. even the kids are not complaining about me playing some random Hindi song. What about this song makes me feel good – the music, the voice, the lyrics, the video? Not sure what, maybe the whole package.

I go looking for my ear phones. I don’t want to bore them more when I play it again, actually, more like I don’t want to share it with them, not that they care. They are lost in their world. I don”t talk about music to everyone. i want to share it with someone. I share it with the one person I sometimes share music with. I know there would be no comments, nothing, but I can’t think of anyone else to share it with. When you are happy and you want to share it with someone… ii is the same feeling. I share it anyway.

I come upstairs and settle in my bed hoping to get some work done. But instead search for the movie, realise that the movie is not going to be released till another two weeks. I then impulsively check when it would be released here and notice that it could be released in the chain of cinemas here, a chance that it could be released close to home. Maybe I could sneak out an evening with a friend or just by myself to watch the movie.

So, instead of working I ended up wasting time doing random things till dinner time. I serve dinner for the kids still listening to the same song on repeat. I sit down at the table with them. Even though I don’t eat dinner usually, sometimes. I have a turmeric latte or a hot chocolate. Today was a hot chocolate day, I topped it up with a couple of malt teasers and a small block of dark chocolate. A luxury I have some days. They have their dinner, each reading their own book

From where I am sitting I can see outside into my garden. I had left some lemon rice and water for the birds for tomorrow morning. But of course it was early and the birds had come for their dinner. I look at the little sparrow which gathers up a few grains in its beak and flies away. Then there is this big fat sparrow, trying to mess up my vegetable patch. The sparrow seems to chase away other birds from there. I wonder what it was doing. Was it going to lay an egg or two or more? I get up with a smile on my face and go about finishing my work as I send the kids up to get ready for bed.

I go up and ask the kids what they want to do for the half an hour we spend together every night. They say they don’t want to watch air crash investigation (disappointed) or Lego star wars (relieved) for a change. They want to do up the sign board that we promised for our community garden while googling random people and playing random songs.  They tell me how horrible my handwriting is, just like how horrible my singing is. So we sat down and did the sign board together, they say they will do most of the work and I could join them in doing bits without messing it up. I agree and let them do what they want. They did play songs but I had my ear phones on with low volume so I could still hear my song on repeat.

Now they are in bed, much later than usual. Usually when the man I am married to is out of town we hit bed early. I was in bed at 9:30 last night Today it is more than half an hour late, but who cares. I am sitting here at nearly 11:00 enjoying my music and writing this. Once this is done, I will get back to finishing my work and I have tons of it to finish before tomorrow morning.

Thank you M for sending me this link, I am enjoying this and please keep sending me good music. Reminds me of our days together 24 years ago when we used to talk about music. Reminds me of the night when you, B and I sat in the darkness of a power cut and B sang ‘ek akela is.shaher …” Till date I have not been able to listen to that song without thinking of that night. Some memories stay on forever and so will this night and this song…

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Image result for miss you


Somedays more than others
My mind craves for you
A simple conversation
Of anything under the sun
Could make me feel better,
Not that I feel bad
Or sad, or lonely
It is just that I miss you
Maybe you think of me too
And your thoughts reach me
And make me miss you?
Though in reality
I know the truth
I am not in your mind ever

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As the year ends…


It is well past midnight. I sit here reading random things and not wanting to sleep. The long evening nap I had today has nothing to do with this. Everything is quiet and all I can hear is the slight humming noise from my laptop and the noise my keyboard makes as my fingers dance on them making a beautiful string of words.

The window is open. It is strange for me to have my window open in December. But I have mixed feelings today. I am warm but still feel the need to have two hot water bottles by my feet. I can understand why son was a bit all over the place today as well. Probably all of us are going through a phase. Not sure what phase it is though.

I feel the cool breeze on my bare arms. I kind of sniff automatically to see if I can smell wet sand, the kind you get when it starts to rain. I forget that I hardly smell that here as it rains all year long.

I want to fly, go somewhere nice and quiet and do nothing, just read a book maybe and laze around and eat healthy and tasty food and not worry about anything.

The year is coming to an end. Does it make a difference anywhere? Will things change drastically on New Year’s day? I have no clue. But I am changing, a little, a lot… One thing at a time and I am not the same person that I was the last year or even last month or even yesterday.

I know my randomly rambling away here. I will stop now. I just wrote this because I felt like writing something, like finishing off the year on a positive note.

Good night everyone.

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Camps, competitions, and awards



I’m just back from a scouts camp over the weekend. Completely knackered but feeling happy. I was talking to the kids and asking them what they enjoyed about the camp and what they didn’t. They were talking about how their team wasn’t interested in teamwork and were constantly bickering. Then the topic went to the other kids they shared their room with. My son said, “one of the boys in my room was Nathan who got so many awards”. My daughter mentioned how Nathan got an award for being brave and courageous for doing the crate climbing activity when he was absolutely scared of heights. Then she said “Amma you could have done it, because you don’t like heights and you could have got an award too” I started laughing and I said but I didn’t want an award, then she asked ‘Amma if I had said that I was scared of climbing would I have got an award? (She is a rock climber so there was no way that she is scared of heights)” I asked her why she wanted an award and the topic went back to the best cub award. My son turned around and said “You know what, M should have gotten the best cub award for the camp” I was really really surprised. I asked him why and the two of them together said “She was very sweet and nice to everyone and helped everyone” I realised then that they actually didn’t care about getting an award for themselves. There was no competition, no pressure to feel good, nothing. It was just about having fun and doing things right and being curious.

PS: The said child M has behavioural issues and I was surprised that she could even come to the camp. The child is heavily on medications and needs melatonin to even sleep. But my children who didn’t know any of the histories of the child could see the kindness that was in her  So happy that I chose to homeschool my children and not put them under peer pressure and competition and just enjoy the moment.

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3D printing and unschooling

My kids have been eyeing the 3D printer in our library for a while. They were encouraged by the library staff who were ready to make and print anything for them. I kept holding them off saying, first design your own stuff at home and then we will see.

So slowly they got on to the Tinkercad site to mess around, all three of us tried a few different things, Then when we thought we were ready for some serious stuff, the kids borrowed a 3D printing book from the library and got on with it. My daughter wanted to know what I wanted to be printed and when I told her I wanted a photo frame, she went on to design one asking me what extra add-ons I wanted as she went along. My son was designing the Millenium Falcon in the meantime.

This went on for a day before things changed drastically. Abhi decided to design a washing machine with a soap dispenser that was removable and knobs that were turnable (print separately and glue) and Anou made an astrobot with a beret sunglasses and mustache.

They went ahead and printed and it I wasn’t surprised to see the final results. So proud that they decided on doing something and they found their way to do it.





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