Why I love Wednesdays

I am falling in love with Wednesdays, and Saturdays and… well you get the idea. Today was a busy morning.. It need not necessarily have been. I woke up early but lazed around in bed day dreaming because, well, I felt cold. Then I dragged myself out and did the regular housework before my classes started at 9:30. Between cooking breakfast and lunch and two back to back classes and having to go to the post office for some work, I still managed to get out of home before 12:00 pm to take the kids out for their homeschoolers meet. Once at the park I let them go and play with their friends and the third class started. A hour later I was ready to step out and get some me time.

I should have been happy to talk to the homeschooling parents. I should have been happy to have some adult-adult time but I didn’t want to be there. I just wanted to walk into the lane which waited for me.

The last week I was here, I intended to do a 5k walk but ended up doing a 7.5 K walk because I got lost. It sounds funny, right? It was a while since I came to the park and somethings had changed. I took one wrong turn because I was enjoying the surroundings so much and taking so many pictures that I ended up going somewhere I didn’t intend to. But I enjoyed the whole walk nevertheless.

Today I intentionally decided to take the longer route. I wanted to walk all the way and enjoy the fall colours and the river and the peace and quiet. My only worry was that I had less time than last week so I decided to do a brisk walk rather than dawdle around and take pictures. The weather was fantastic. I had some random melodious music on and I was well wrapped up and had the right shoes on (I never have the wrong kind of shoes for walking) so off I went. I must have had a big grin on my face because the first person who crossed me gave me a surprised smile and then that continued all the way. I met old people, couples, friends going for a walk with their babies in a pram, people going for runs, people on bikes and I nodded and smiled at people as I went along. I was even smiling at dogs.

It was stunning and food for my senses. The eyes of course were drowning in all the beauty and the nose was thanking me for bringing it to a place with crisp air with no pollution. The ears enjoying the beautiful call of birds and the breeze occassionaly piercing through the peace and quiet. The tongue of course thanking me for the wild blackberries that I was eating along the way. The skin enjoyed the cold and the warmth of the winter sun.

My mind wandered off as it always does. I wanted to sit on one of those benches and read a book surrounded by trees with yellow leaves falling off in the breeze and listen to gentle soft music or maybe just enjoy the music of the wind. But I was like the two year old who wanted to have the cake and eat it too. I wanted to go down and walk by the river on a pathway covered by trees over my head and coloured leaves under my feet. I wanted to see the lone bird standing out there waiting for the fish to come by. I wanted to see the ducks aimlessly floating on the river. I wanted to see the placid river which looked so still that one would find the water was moving only because of the leaves on top moving in a certain direction. I wanted to see the place where the mad river joined the calm river and it made we want to get a kayak and go white water rafting even though I knew how freezing the water would be. I wanted to pluck the out of season blackberries and eat them as I walked along. So I continued to walk At one stage, I gave up and started taking pictures, though not as much as last time. What a change from last week to this!

When I reached one end of the park I bumped into someone who smiled at me and started talking about the weather This man worked in the hospital in city and we got talking about different things while walking along. It was a lovely conversation about our families, the education system, and old people in nursing homes. At one stage he stopped by a tree to touch it. He said he would always touch the tree as it grounded him and make him feel connected to the history of the place. He said he has been walking in this park for tweenty years and this is a tree he touched every single time. It was a nice ritual to be a part of as a stranger. I had to say good bye to him and move on. It reminded me of how in the journey or life we meet random people, spend time with them, enjoy it and then move on. I don’t know what this man’s name is or any of his personal details and yet we had such a beautiful conversation.

By the time I reached the car park I had done my eight km. I was starving and wanted to come home to some hot food. I just remembered I had not had my breakfast because I was busy teaching. Yet another Wednesday gone and looking forward to the next. Hoping that the weather stays better the next week too.

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Break the chains

Today’s thoughts!

What started as a simple chat with a young woman this morning took a serious turn really quickly.

She said ‘You know, I see many posts on this particular group where women ask for nannies to take care of their children pretty much everyday’ The tone told me she didn’t approve of women asking for nannies and somehow that hit a sore point.

It takes a village to raise a child. From my birth to now, plenty has changed. There was a village to raise me. I did not grow up where the extended family was, but I had neighbours to help my parents at every stage. We have moved from the village to joint family to nuclear family who don’t know who their neighbour is. In this process, we have lost the physical support system somewhere and the internet support system has taken over. A lot of knowledge that the old people had is also lost along the way, resulting in women struggling to bring up their child all by themselves.

This is only one part of the story. The second part is where women hardly worked outside home a few decades ago, at least the way that women do now – like a nine to five job or night shifts. Women worked in the fields where they could bring their child with them or were teachers in schools or were doctors and nurses. Not the kind where women are stressed now and have to put in extra hours and then come back home and run through the chores at home as well.

But the major part is the patriarchy. A woman who asks for help – in this case a nanny, is looked down upon. A man can ask for a driver, cook, domestic help to do the laundry, dishes, etc. But a woman who does the exact same job outside and earn the exact same amount is not allowed to ask for any help because she has to do all the work at home without complaining. And it is a pity, the woman that says she needs help is looked down upon by other women.

Isn’t it sad that we live in a society where the woman is equated to God and expected to be superhuman and not take care of herself and her needs? Look at all the things this leads to – A mother in law believes that she has to have complete control of the house and do everything ( and then complain about all the sacrifices she does) because that is the only thing that will make her feel like God and get the respect from the family. The poor daughter in law has to level up with the mother in law in case of the absence of mother in law for whatever reason. The men say ‘My mother did it, why can’t you do it?’ Imagine how it can affect the mental health of the woman to work without a break? The poor woman is relegated to the kitchen and taking care of the baby because she is a woman.

Men think it doesn’t affect them. But it does affect them to. The man that helps in the kitchen and helps with the baby, bonds with the wife and children better. Why would a man want to give up on these special moments and call himself the epitome of sacrifice ? IS bringing home the money the only thing a man is capable of doing? I still remember the simple food my father used to make for us on the rare days that he did. Even at this age I still love the bonding that happens with my father while working in the garden or cleaning in the kitchen. We laugh over recipes and fight over food. When the man is relegated to just money making he misses all the good times he can have with his children and spouse.

So let us break the patriarchy and let men and women break the sterotypical chains that bind them to certain things. Let us all live our life happily the way we want to live, not the way society expects us to be.

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Narcissist?

Yesterday I wrote a few lines and sent it to a couple of people. Not more, not less, just two. When I hit on send I knew the exact reaction that I would get from either of them and I was right. One of them sent me a reply ‘Bit of Narcissm visible here. All human beings stop growing at this stage.’. I smiled and went to sleep after sending a small comment. But it made me think. The reason was that I have lived with a narcissist. The word was thrown so lightly there and if I was my old self I would have been upset, but now it just made me think and not worry or feel sad.

It was interesting how neither of them had the time or inclination to dig deeper. How can someone who cannot say ‘No’ be a narcissist? How can someone learning to set boundaries be a narcissist? I have a feeling what line triggered the comment. But what is wrong in a woman thinking that she is beautiful insdie and out? Infact, one thought that comes to me pretty much everyday is ‘Life is beautiful’ and I know I can think this way because I find myself beautiful. If I don’t feel myself as beautiful how can I even think of anything around me as beautiful? Also, I am in a phase of life, I feel my thoughts materialise into actions and I want to think only positive thoughts.

And yes, I did say ‘ Love me as I am with all my simplicities and complications and I will give my heart and soul to you’. I am a clear that I am not perfect. I do have complications. A narc will never ever accept that. A narcissist cannot think about others at all, it is all about them. I am definitely nowhere close to that, at least not at this point in time. This whole tihng should have been triggering but it didn’t. It just made me think how different people can be.

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Who am I?

Who am I?

A question that pops up often and I have no specific answer. Each time, based on the situation, the answer varies.

I am a soul on a long journey.

But what is your identity you may ask. Well I am known as Shyamala, Shyami to most and also known by other names. I also have been identified by my roles of daughter, sibling, cousin, wife, mother, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, friend, teacher, colleague, Engineer, etc.

I have been educated to work with machines called computers while I am a person who loves to work with much more complex humans. I am an introvert and those who know me will disagree with that. That is only because I was never taught to be comfortable in silences, so I talk, I talk pure rubbish, but I keep talking. I also can’t say NO, at least that is how I have been so I try to say NO in other ways. I also cannot lie easily and the result is more talking to cover up things. So my identity has become a ‘talkative person’ which makes people think I am an extrovert.

Oh, I also have other identities. I am a loving and lovable person. A support system to a lot of people. A person with a helping hand who will bend over backwards to do something for people I love, most of the times, but a person who cannot open up and ask for help that easily. A spiritual {not relegious definitely} person by all means. A gentle and understanding parent. A silly billy who absolutely loves life! A person who smiles all the time. A very clumsy person. An absolute nut case. A person who trusts easily. A person who has had many heartbreaks. A jack of many arts and master of none… Well, I am all this blended into one. Some see only one side of me and some see many sides. But this is me, beautiful as I am, beautiful inside and out [others may not agree, but who cares] . I do not need validation from anyone, I am happy with what I have and will always be. Love me as I am with all my simplicities and complications and I will give my heart and soul to you. Find fault with me and I will build my wall and each time you do that, the wall gets higher and higher…

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Life in the time of Karuna… 244

When I did my Computer Engineering 30 years ago little did I realise the challenges that lay ahead of me. We hadn’t even heard about the internet or email then. Social media did not even exist. Now things are so different. 


With the internet coming into nearly every single person’s home these days we need to learn and be aware about a lot of things. Think about this, 30 years ago when I had to have a discussion about something, it was with family and friends and may be neighbours. Never had to worry about cultural differences and people across continents. I had face to face discussions or on telephone which was a rare thing or maximum by letters, but because of the time it took for the letters to reach a person and the reply to get back to me, discussions were left to either face to face and telephone. Again telephone calls were expensive so it was pretty much face to face discussions and we knew from the other person’s body language and tone and the words used pretty much what was going on in their mind.


Today when I am on a group in social media, I do not know the age of the person, what that person has in mind as they are typing, what is their fluency in the language, etc. I read the message in my head based on my own biases and prejudice. I might get upset about something that really means nothing or totally ignore something that the other person meant in a sarcastic tone. Many times I do not know anything about the other person at all and that makes things so difficult. 


I wish someone would teach people to step back and keep all this in mind and be kind and compassionate with others, especially online because we absolutely do not know what is going on in their lives. 


While the change is great and I am happy about how the internet has changed the lives of everyone around us, I also feel we are ill equipped to handle a lot of things that comes with the perk. We need to worry about how internet exposes our children to things we would not like but at the same time empowers a lot of people, including the same children to gather knowledge. Good news travels fast and so does unwanted false news. Let us work together to find a happy medium which works out the best for everyone.

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Life in the time of Karuna… 243

Picture taken in Phoenix park yesterday

Food…

Idlis
Birthday cake for the other adult in the house
Dosai
Vegetable pie
Garlic pin wheels

Heart to Heart… The wait is nearly over, from tomorrow starts the new series…

Fitness…

Books…

Today’s song is…

Movie…

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Life in the time of Karuna… 242

Taken in October three years ago!

Food…

Heart to Heart… I don’t know how long now, I haven’t been following the number of days but the happiness continues! I refuse to take negativity anymore

Fitness…

Books…

Today’s song is…

Movie…

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Life in the time of Karuna… 241

Belfast last January

Food…

Idlis with green chutney
Dhokla

And Dosas
Lunch was Ghee rice, potato rice, asparagus, papad, carrot slices, curd and pickle

Heart to Heart… Interestingly the one section that will stay in the new blog style is going to be this!

Fitness…

Books…

Today’s song is…

Movie…

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Life in the time of Karuna… 240

Picture taken in Kovilpatti two and a half years ago

Food…

Idlis with podis
Ghee roast
Porridge

Heart to Heart… Give me a few days before I start my new blog in a new format till then you have to bear with this! đŸ™‚

Fitness,..

Books…

Today’s song is…

Movie…

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Life in the time of Karuna… 239

A beautiful sunset not far from where I live!

Food…

Kambu dosai with podis
Lunch was Rice, puli kuzhambu,

Heart to Heart… This has reached a peak… I might continue for a week and stop this series completely!

Fitness…

Books…

Today’s song is…

Movie…

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