Heart to Heart… I am one of those confused ABCDs who lived for the first 20 odd years of my life in one country and moved to another which is totally different from mine and now I wonder if I write something will it fit in here or there on . Even though I have spent more than half my life outside the land where I was born I still relate to a lot of things there but I write about life outside too. So it is a good mix. I can never take the Indian out of me.
I used to wonder if anyone would like to read what I wrote, but now I guess what I write is for myself not for others. If someone reads and enjoys it then it is ok but I don’t solely write for appreciation and validation. I write because I want to write. I write because I cannot hold it anymore.
I realise I don’t have to write for my Irish, Italian, America, Indian or friends from any specific nation.
Books… My daughter’s review. This was her latest read. It was good, of course most warrior cats books are good except when they have cliffhangers and this sort of has one.
Today’s song is… Because I felt the old me kick in at some stage last night. I am the person who has a song for everything and when my kids said something I had to start singing this song at mid night! 😀 So there you go!
Movie… So, why not? I saw the first movie and liked it then, not sure what I would feel now. I did try to see the sequel on a plane recently and no, I couldn’t sit through it. I don’t know why (well it is the hormonal changes that go with having babies and hitting menopause slowly) but I can’t watch a lot of movies now.
Lunch was vol-au-vents with chicken, corn, cheese, mushroom and I made beetroot and carrot halwa for lunch
Heart to Heart… I know we have been talking a lot about suicide. The person can’t take it anymore and attempts to take their lives, either success or fails. But what about all thos souls crying for help for years? What about them ones who cannot take their lives because they don’t have the courage to do so but then do other things to help them manage their pain in different ways like alcohol, drugs and other ways. It is strange that when we see someone do that asks for help in different ways, in ways that they know but we ignore all that and run away from them instead of helping them and one day they die because of their habits, it is technically suicide even though they have taken their life over a period of time but we have nothing to say about this.
Fitness… This week has been a total flop when it comes to my fitness. But I did get out a lot and do garden work if that counts at all.
Books… OK, I was walking around the library and checking out the adults section while my kids were busy in some workshop and I found this one. It attracted me because it was about someone who moved from Kenya to the UK hoping for a better life and what happened afterwards. An interesting read.
Today’s song is… I love Vani Jayaram’s voice in this song. I love watching the super young Jaya Bachan in this. The music is aboslutely love too.
Movie… A movie I watched decades ago and enjoyed then. Not sure how I would feel about it now.
Food… Breakfast was toast for the kids and tapioca for the adults.
Heart to Heart…
He is gone!
Every single person sees a different side of the same person. I saw in him what others might not have seen. From day one, he did not impress me with his gentlemanliness. But he was this guy who dressed in a full sleeve shirt and neat trousers in a world of wear anything you want to college as long as it is acceptable. His perfume would let us know his arrival when he was still in the corridor on the occassional days that he decided to grace the classroom with his presence. He was a genius, even gifted maybe, but he had his share of failures in exams. He was the guy with a great memory – the guy who could tell you which book, page number, side and line had the information that you were looking for. He was the guy who not only had a photographic memory but also took amazing photographs. There was much to look up to and yet there was so much not to!
From day one he came across as a person who needed validation from others. A person who wanted to show that he was ‘manly’ enough and his only way to show it was by being rude and rowdy. He tried to prove something by smoking and drinking and being a different person and wasn’t honest in showing his real self to anyone, even to himself. Unfortunately, I couldn’t break the problem then. I would think, in all my immaturity that why did his brother who studied in the same college as us not do something about this? Why did his parents not do anything about this? But now I know, nobody could have done anything. It was him that had to take responsiblity. He was a full grown adult and who else could take responsiblity for him but himself?
Our relationship like many others continued beyond college. He would call me in the middle of the night, not worrying about timezones. I could be in the middle of a meeting or middle of sleep, that didn’t matter to him. I didn’t complain ever about his behaviour, about his rudeness, about anything. I should have done. I should have shouted at him then maybe he would have changed himself. I failed as a friend. In hindsight we all have a 20/20 vision. Sigh!
He stood by me when I went through a tough phase in my life. He would call me and talk to me. Now, remember, this was before the Whatsapp and Facebook messenger times. When he first met his wife to be, he called me and told me about her. I was lucky to talk to her even before their wedding. That day, I didn’t realise it then, but he introduced me to someone who is beautiful inside and out and who would become a sister to me. She shared her laughter and tears with me and still does. I have had my husband walk into the room wondering who I was talking to and laughing so much only to find that it was her. She is an angel in disguise, else nobody else would have survived that long with him. She loved him and still loves him to bits. They made a beautiful baby together. I still admire that little girl who is not so little anymore for the maturity that she has and for the person she is. She totally takes up responsiblity for her actions, unlike her father.
When I got the call two days ago, we spoke for half an hour as she cooked her meal before heading to the hospital and I was cooking my meal, five time zones on the other side of the Atlantic and we spoke about how this guy was a brilliant person who wasted his life. And today when I spoke to her, it was the same, only difference was that he was now in past tense. Both of us cried together looking at each other’s face knowing that other person will not judge us. Knowing we were feeling sorry for a person who lived for nearly 47 years and yet could not say he lived!
Last night when I went to bed,I asked the universe to take him away with dignity, the one that he always wanted to live with. I did not want him to suffer or trouble anyone anymore. I miss a friend but I am happy that he did not struggle in physical pain too much.
If I had to write a Eulogy to someone I would love to say that they lived a full life, whether they were 7 years or 70 years. But here is a guy who neither lived honest to himself nor was he honest to anyone else. No, he did not lie or cheat anyone in the literal sense, but hre reused to open up his real self to anyone. I hope he closed all his karmic accounts before he left and if ever there is a life for him again he will come back and hae a peaceful life or have a peaceful life and life full of love and happiness wherever he goes. That is all I wish for him.
Fitness… I am hating it when IC an’t get out for a walk or run these evenings. In the last 7 days I have done two 5+ Ks so far.
Books… My son’s current read. This is what I caught him reading at bed time today. But maybe he is reading it for the nth time. Who knows.
Today’s song is… this recommendation comes from my daughter. It is interesting that she has picked up a Eurovision song!
Movie… It is obvious I like Tom Hanks if you have read my previous reviews. jm
Food… Breakfast was paal kozhukattai and akki roti. Lunch was boiled potatoes with chicken rasam for my son, poori with potato for my daughter and I had left over akki rote and converted the chicken from the rasam into a curry!
Heart to heart… Today’s walk and events brought into my mind a story. I came home and wrote it down in one shot even though I wanted to go to bed early. I am glad I could get it off my chest today. Tomorrow is going to be a long day and I might crash out in the evening but I needed this evening, this time for myself to write what I wanted to write. A story with bits of reality scattered around it, just enough to make it interesting, or is it the other way around? A true incident with just enough bits of fiction to make it interesting? I do not know. Will share it after editing at some stage.
Today’s song is... Just because that is the first song that came to my mind today. Don’t ask me why or what.
Movies… The first Malayalam movie that I saw in a theater in Kerala. Strangely this is the exact scene that my mother remembered from the movie and she mentioned because of which this stayed in my mind too. Strange that I search for this movie and this scene pops up.
Food… Did not have time to take a picture in the morning as I was rushing out. But breakfast was idiappam with tomato chutney! Lunch too was a mess with me getting one call after another
Heart to Heart… This month, the last nine days have been extremely busy. In a way I am glad that the lock down is over and things are back to normal. I just take the car and drive to wherever I want and do whatever I want. But mostly because I am called to do certain things. I am happy that I can help out in the community, I am happy that I can go to the library. I am happy and grateful for everything around me and how positive the environment is. Things can’t be any better.
At the same time, today my heart breaks for a friend who is in hospital and who might not make it back. For the life that he lived and the pressure the society put on him. My heart breaks for his wife and daughter and for all the love that they had to give and the love this guy blocked out because of his own pains. I can’t say anything more here, because it is not my story to tell but just please say a prayer for this person to go away in peace. He has troubled himself and enough number of people on earth and maybe it is time for us to let go of him and close all our karmic accounts with him. I am sorry G, please stop fighting and struggling. I can understand your pain, I want to hug you and say it is ok and that we are here for you, but you have gone beyond a point where you don’t want to reach out to any of us.
Fitness… OK, I didn’t get to go out for an actually run today or even a walk because I was on the phone constantly and had to wait for people and get out to do things.
Books… This is another aircraft book and this book like others has it’s own story! I went out for lunch with my friend M and the two of us wandered off into the charity shop nextdoors. She looking for something for her children and I aimlessly wandering around. Both of us love books and so do our children. I actually felt guilty for leaving my children and going out for a meal so I wanted to buy something for them. And I found this book for a fiver and I knew instantly that it would become a prized possession and it did! ❤
Today’s song is…
Movie… When I saw this movie, it was without too much expectation. But I loved the fact that it was a welcome to change live in relationship potrayed without any judgement in the move. And the fact that neither of them had to leave their dreams to make the other person happy.
My extra special treat for today was fish curry and beetroot and carrot halwa.
Heart to Heart… I am not going to write much today. All I want to say is that today is the 100th post. I never knew when I started this series how long it would last or what I would write. But here I am 100 days later. Not that a hundred people read it. I hardly get one or two visitors a day. It is done for myself. And guess what? Today I also did my first ever 5.5 K + non stop jog in my entire life of 46+ years! I feel fantastic. This shows only one thing, if I am strong enough and keep at it, I can achieve anything that I want. There you go… gyan for today!
Fitness… Like I said above, my first ever 5.5K plus non stop jog. Not a great pace but I did it!
Books… Another prized possesion in this house!
Today’s song is… I know I should have posted a celebratory song, but this is what I wanted to hear today! There are other beautiful songs in this movie.
Movie… Adaptation of Eric Segal’s Man,Woman and Child. A beautiful movie.
Heart to Heart… I wanted to write this for a few days now. When someone asked me what kind of music I like and I said ‘Oh I like all kinds’ I was told that they didn’t agree with me and that usually people liked a certain kind of music. Well, here is what I have to say…
Music is my life. Music is everything, of course in equal status with travel, books, sleep, food, and friends! OK, art, photography, writing, etc also take an equal place in my life too. But yes, music is like the oxygen I breathe in. I don’t know about others (I do have to say this out in the open for others and for myself because for years I thought that everyone thought and did like me and then realised that my brain was wired differently – I am 2E!) but my brain associates a lot of things with a lot of different things. Like for example ‘ek akela is shaher mein’ always reminds me of my friends M & B sitting outside my hostel steps in Baroda on a dark Monday night when the power was gone and B singing this song for me. Gulzar’s songs reminds me of another friend M in Hyderabad with whom I would go music CD shopping and then go for lunch at least once a week. Rasputin reminds me of some hot summer days in my native place. Lady in red of first year in college in Coimbatore,… you get the idea. (The same goes for food too)
Yes, there are crappy days when I like listening to lousy songs but in general I am more the person who can enjoy any kind of music. I can cuddle up with a book when it rains outside listening to some beautiful rain songs and then I can play the air guitar and dance for Dancing queen or do the moon walk for Bille Jean! If the song has good music it is fun, bonus points to some good lyrics and extra bonus points if it reminds me of some pleasant memories in life! I used to post songs on facebook regularly but I stopped them at some stage. Now I post the songs on my blog posts…
Fitness… I didn’t do the 5K today also. I had to get out and then the other adult in the house had to go out. So on the whole all I did was just the 5K steps.
Books… Yet another aviation book from my bookshelf which my son absolutely loves….
Today’s song is... Just because it feels like MJ day!
Movie… We were only talking about it the other day so had to mention it here. I think it is in the list of most of my friends as an all time favourite or some movie that had stayed in their mind forever.
I was at my sister’s house so it was poha for breakfast and we had rice, sambar and vathal for lunch. No pictures though. For dinner came back home and the kids had bread.
Heart to Heart… I am still in one of those moods today. I am back from my sister’s place but in a place mentally where I am not sure what I should do. Fingers crossed everything will work out. I am not in a mood to write more today.
Fitness… Another day of not much exercise.
Books… Here is a book that I bought for my son years ago. He is only 11 now and I got this book at least 5 or 6 years ago. He asked for this book at a book fair and it was a second hand book and yet cost a bomb. The book weighs about 3 -5 kgs. He didn’t want to let it go so I decided to buy it for him. And this book has travelled to Italy , back to India and now to Ireland and he holds it like a prized possession.
Today’s song is… Just for the mental state I am in! The other songs in this movie are just as good.
Movies.. Another KB Classic with a strong female character. Nandini sister is someone that we all will aspire to be at some stage.
Lunch was Cauliflower wraps and for dinner I was at my cousin’s home where it was parotta and salna.
Heart to Heart… What do I do when I am scared and worried about something? I think that ‘this too shall pass’ What do I do when I am confused about a decision that I have to take? I hope things fall in place. IF it is a decision only about me then it is quite easy. I will find a solution that works for others and me of course. I can adjust easily. But when it involves others around me, especially my children I try and do the best for my children and when I am stuck between the devil and the deep sea I try and do all that I can do
I need all the support from everyone for this. I am stuck in a place where I need to get all the support I can for three weeks. I know this too shall pass and it will be over and done with. Please say a silent prayer for me, please! Thank you!
Fitness… I did not get to do my run or walk today as I had to travel to meet my cousin. So bare minimum steps and I did not have my phone with me most of the times so even the steps I did were not counted!
Books… Currently reading this book and I absolutely love this.
Today’s song is… One of my favourite Vani Jayaram’s songs. The lyrics are very meaningful too. All songs in this movie are wonderful.
Movies… The movie is Apoorva Ragangal from which the above song is picked. Another beautiful KB classic. KB was fantastic of making movies ahead of his times. A lot of them were women centric too and quite different from the regular movies which the society could not accept.